"Think of her as living in the hearts of those she touched,
for nothing loved is ever lost,
and she was loved so much!"
today was the two year anniversary of death of my baby girl. my cousin chantal. Jesus called her home after a 2 year battle with cancer. It was probably one of the hardest times of my life. the depression i feel into was horrible, and i was drowning in my own grief. one of those situations that you have to reach up to touch rock bottom. and even though i still don't know why he had to take her away and not heal here, but i do know that God's ways our not ours and I may never understand this.
through my cousins i have met one of my best friends, kayleen jones! she seriously has become an amazing. last weekend she got married, and i was blessed enough to get to go.
the wedding was perfect. seriously like something out of a fairytale. the greatest part of the whole night was getting to dance with kayleen. it was a very intimate moment and it is one of my fondest memories. i know that chantal watched from heavens gates as her best friend married the man of her dreams. and as hard as it is not to have her here we both know she wouldn't want to come back to this crummy world.
God is a good God and i know that the things he will do with chantal's legacy will be epic. ready to see what he has in store. for now i will wake and walk with her memory in my heart and do everything for the both of us...like graduate college.
miss you baby girl more than words can say!

the sad truth

they say -its sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew and when someone you love becomes someone you hate-
The sad truth is is that it is sad when that happens, but it does happen. Sometimes by choice, sometimes its forced, and others it is the undeniable fact of the matter.
The worst part... you never forget them. NEVER! You try, you do things that you would have never done, you try new things but something will ALWAYS remind you of them. A song, a scent, and a store...something.
Today, more than usually I'm missing that person in my life. Its hard to no longer use the words "my best friend" when I talk about you. For the most part, I lie and say that we grew apart. No need to start drama where there is none. I'm writing a book, a memoir really. Of the famous times of my and "my best friend". Its pretty epic already. I titled it "Boxers and Bow Ties"* (which is a true story). But anyway I'm not even really sure the reason for this post besides just talking out loud but here it is.
Plain and simple: I miss my best friend and I wish I could tell him that.

** I'm sure you are interested in the boxers and bow ties story. In short, I went over to Joey and Austins house, picking them up to go out for the night. And they totally answered the boor in nothing but boxers and bow ties lol it was hilarious (and kind of weird). Still makes me smile **

where i am today

But this I call to mind,
and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
"The LORD is my portion," says my soul,
"therefore I will hope in him."-Lam 3:21-24

Tonight I thought I would share a little bit of where I am today and where I've come from. I honestly never thought I would be where I am today, but I am so glad I'm here.
14 years ago today God asked me to say goodbye to my biggest influence and greatest love, my daddy. To even begin the share the emotional roller coaster I have been on, it would take to long. I don't think its strange to say that I've been through all 5 stages of grief, I stayed at some longer then others. But today I can honestly say has been the best anniversary yet. Today I was able to celebrate life. Celebrate the hope I have in Christ. Don't get me wrong, I still have my bad days. But my good days far outweigh the bad ones! I can't wait to see my daddy in heaven. I know he's looking out for me. I can't wait to hug him again. Until then I wanna run the race to please all 3 of my fathers. God, daddy, and Tim. All 3 mean so much to me.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.- Isaiah 55:8

in an instant.

"You do not know what your life will be like tomorrow.
You are just a vapor that appears from a little while
and then vanishes away."

James 4:14 (NASB)

We've all heard the saying "yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift, that's why they call it the present." Let's face it none of us deserve to live another day, or even take another breath. Even more technically we measly human beings deserve hell, and contrary to popular belief this present life is not hell. The things we go through in our days are nothing compared to eternity and nothing close to what Christ went through in his days on earth. We are so blessed to wake up in America everyday.
I think we are all to often reminded that life is short. Our worlds are rocked when someone we loved "dies young". Instead of taken everyday as our last, we expect many more days in our future. We do not know what the future holds, so why should we bank on having more than what we've been giving?!? Everyday we are granted the grace to wake up and glorify God, we should live life to the fullest.
My challenge to myself, this month especially, is to live each day. I mean truly live. Live with no reserves. Glorifying my heavenly father with everything I do. Loving to my greatest capacity and laughing (alot!!). And even in this vapor we call life I want to enjoy ever second while I wait for the Lord, clinging to the verse "to be absent form the body is to be present with the Lord." (2 Cor 5:8). Death for the Christian is not so much an exit out of life as it is an entry into the Lord's presence in a very personal sense. So either way I get to experience the best for my life.

~live.laugh.love~