in a new location

so i know its only October, and i know its been forever but I have just been so overwhelmed with life. Let's recap.
I've attended 5 different colleges/universities this year.
I've visited 15 different states
I've graduated college and start my pursued of my masters =)
and....... that's it haha
Living in AZ has been fun, not a huge adjustment. I think the hardest thing was in august I didn't go back to LU, first time in 3 years...weird feeling.
Graduate school is wayyy different then undergrad, but I am getting the swing of it.
Miss all my besties, but I have already made plans to be on the east coast at least 2x if not more in 2011. I can't miss my best friends getting married.
I will be sure to take tons of pictures in the upcoming weeks.
Live life to the fullest!~

light up the sky

last night was so awesome. just got away from all the crap going on around me and took off with a good friend to the middle of nowhere. had a bone-fire, s'mores, some drinks, and just talked. Talked about everything...literally. Makes me really appreciate my friendships i have with the people that come with no strings attached. I have learned alot in my 22 years of life and one of those things was reinforced last night: LIFE GOES ON!
in the last couple weeks i have been handed cards that i don't know how to deal with. For about a week I was so lost in my identity. Its hard to accept that God's perfect plan is sometimes different than our perfectly good plan. But i'm rolling with the punches and I cling to the promise that I walked "through the valleys" (meaning I don't stay there).
New Theme song...Light Up the Sky by The Afters. It was a perfect song to go with a great night.
I am blessed and I am stronger than anyone knows!

When I'm feeling all alone
With so far to go
The signs are no where on this road
Guiding me home
When the night is closing in
Is falling on my skin
Oh God will You come close?

Light light light up the sky
You light up the sky to show me You are with me
I I I can't deny
No I can't deny that You are right here with me
You've opened my eyes
So I can see You all around me
Light light light up the sky
You light up the sky to show me
That You are with me

When stars are hiding in the clouds
I don't feel them shining
When I can't see You beyond my doubt
The silver lining
When I've almost reached the end
Like a flood You're rushing in
Your love is rushing in

So I run straight into Your arms
You're the bright and morning sun
To show Your love there's nothing You won't do

That You are with me
That You are with me

in choosing a confidant

so i have this GIANT book of lists...i like lists. Anyway I wanna share one of those lists with you today. Its entitled, In choosing a confidant.

in choosing a confidant find someone
...you trust
...who can keep a confidence
...who will respect your boundaries
...who will give you perspective
...who will pray for you
...who will pray with you
...who will keep you accountable with unjustly condemning you
...who will not be a negative affect on you!

find someone like that and you have found a true confidant and friend!

Sissy

To me you are an angel in disguise.
Full of intuition, intelligent, and wise.
Always giving and helping through
Good times and bad.
You are the best friend I've ever had.
If I had one wish it would surely be
To give you as much as you've given to me.
Though I've put our relationship through some cloudy days,
You've been my sunshine in so many ways.
Through trials and tests, right by me
You stood,
And gave me your hand whenever you could.
Thank you so much my sister, my friend
My thankfulness for you, there really is no end.

I know we all claim to have the best sister in the whole world. but i really have to argue about that. My sister and I have been thru our fair share of trials and tribulations, and I was blessed to have her by my side.
This post is a shout out to my sissy.

I love you times one million!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a penny for my thoughts

in the recent days i have realized that blogging is basically useless. no one really cares about my life/problems/ups/downs. you say "i already have enough baggage...why do i need yours?!?"
you don't...but you humor and read anyway. jk.
i just wanted to share a thought from Romans 5:3-5

Not this alone, but we glory in afflictions as well; for we know that affliction produces patience, and patience develops a tried character, and character begets hope, such hope as does not disappoint; for God’s love is poured out into our hearts by means of the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. (The Modern Language Bible)

I wonder who Paul would be today. I wonder what he would say to us, Christians, who moan and whine about every little "suffering"?!? We pray for patience and than cry when God gives it too us. We desire character, but when we realize character requires patience we run in the opposite direction. Lastly, we all long for hope. But hope is a gift that comes from trials. Hope helps us hold on, when you gotta reach up to touch rock bottom. But if you desire to experience hope...you MUST endure trails. They say that experience is the hardest teacher cause it gives the test first and the lesson afterward...so true. So like building blocks we must first start with patience. & According to Paul, if we truly want to increase our patience, we should be asking God to send sufferings and troubles our way. (i know that won't really happen, he'll still give them too us).
From patience we BUILD character and than we receive hope
Hold on and never cease to rely on God's mighty arm.

Hope never fails!~~

figured i should update everyone as to where i am currently and where i will soon be going.
1. sooooo for startrs...i graduated college! wahoo. can't believe its all over, very bittersweet but I do love where i'm going.
i'm home for the summer, interning at Southwest Sports Institute. Good times!~ Almost done with that internship...about 64 more hours =)
2. I have started writing two books. I've posted teasers from both =). I decided a few months ago that I should share what I've been through. Since that is the majority of non-fiction work is about anyway. I really felt God leading me to share how I worked through my tragedies. It has been a growing experience and has helped me work out some kinks in my life.
3. I'm moving to phoenix in about 8 weeks! very exciting, starting that next chapter of my life. (not gonna lie...sure hope my HF is out there lol).
4. in about 5 years I plan on being a practicing sports psychologist, for a collegiate team...remember that.
well don't want to bore you too long...that is the quick update. be back soon.
have a blessed weekend

in the way

ever been in life when you pray for God to move and you feel like you are left standing there, still waiting.
there was this little girl at work today. her mom was shopping and had a basket full (to the top) with products. the little girl wanted to "carry it" but because it was so heavy she was just dragging it. 'Cept her foot was in the way so every time she pulled the basket it wouldn't move. She got so frustrated.
That scenario is played out in my life a few times. Me being the little girl and the basket being anything from decisions to people in my life. And i get made cause I want them to move or be moved, and I want the situation to go the way I want it too, but I am the one standing in the way.
The best advice I can give tonight. Get out of your own way. God wants to work, but if you are to busy directing the show, he will just stand back and wait.

...friendship...

you know they say if you have two friends consider yourself blessed, but if you have one good friend consider yourself lucky.


tonight i want to challenge friendship.
this past weekend i was at Relay for Life in Indiana. You may ask why I go ALL the way up there and I will simply say "for my family". We have walked in relay for 3 years now.
anyway back to friends. While chantal was sick I met alot of her friends, lots of them claimed to be her best friends. After she passed away 3 of her friends still walk with us. That is true friendship. I mean how many friends do you have that would support your family after you are gone. Take time out of their busy lives to check on your younger sister or walk in a cancer walk. These girls are just a testimony to what true friendship is. long after we are gone, who is still going to care. Its not about what you accumulate in this world, its about the memories you make.
So friendship...do you have a friend this close? Chantal had THREE! that is simply amazing. And the best part is, they have all become such good friends to me. If you don't have these girls in your phone, and they don't got your back, you might as well go home. ;) but seriously...that is real friendship
"Friends are always friends no matter how far you have to travel back in time. If you have memories together, there is always a piece of your friendship inside your heart."

influence

in my recent devos the author encouraged the readers to think of the 3 greatest influences in their lives. as i recollected of the last 21 (almost 22) years I realized that i have alot more than 3 great influences. as i wrote the list grew. i had my cliche answers: mom, dad, step dad, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. which they are huge influences in my life. My mom is honestly the most influential person in my life. She is so godly and loving, looks at people the way Christ does, without judgement. It is something I desire to do as well.
But as I thought back on the years there was one person that stood out. I had to think back, but once he came to mind, I knew he definitely fit the list of the GREATEST influences.
Let me share...
in 1994 a family moved in next door. they had three daughters. this house separated me and my best friend in the whole world (true story...been best friends for 18 years =) ) anyhoo, they moved in and me and jess thought it would be fun to meet them. to be honest i don't remember the initial introductions but over time our neighbors daughter, jessica, me and jess become inseparable. Now if you have grown up in a military family you know that neighbors get really close, that's all you got sometimes. I spent many nights out with my girls..haha and i was only 6. but seriously it felt like we were sisters. our dads were way close, all worked together. moms were close. it was like a movie. This whole set-up to tell the story of Clay Stark, Jessica's dad.
...He was so gentle and cared so much, not in that creeper way..promise. The first time I remember him looking at me with compassion, the same look my daddy gave me, was when my mom had to take daddy to the hospital in the middle of the night. Clay and Tracey came to get me and em and let us sleep over. the next morning, gently not to wake me he carried me back home, tucked me in, whispered "i love you", and kissed my forehead. He was like a second dad to me, i cherished his opinion and desired to make him happy. This is how it was for almost two years, my fairytale life.
in feb 1996 when my world got rocked, clay was there at the hospital...that night. clay and tracey came, my best friends mom came. You know that saying "they all came running" my second parents did...they rushed over. The days and weeks later, throw the blur of it all I remember clay coming over and just hanging with me. He would take me to the park and to lunch, anything to give me normalicy. he even went house hunting with us a few times. when we finally found a plcae, he made sure he was there to move me into my new room.
Time went on, my fairytale world had to end sometime. Clay and Tracey moved a few months later and the rest is history. But I will never forget Clay. He made everything "okay". He loved me when he didn't have to. The whole Stark family has a special place in my heart.

If I could tell Clay one thing today, it would be that he had a huge impact on my life. One of my greatest influences.

"You don't have to be a "person of influence" to be influential.
In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even
awre of the things they have taught me."~ Scott Adams

best WeEkEnD EVER!!!!!! @lynchburg

wow well since i have procrastinated this long and i think i can go a few more minutes in order to enrich the lives of my readers ;)
well the semester is coming to an end, only 6 weeks till i walk across the stage.

this weekend was definitely one for the books.

for starters i finished my clinical on Friday so i am now down to 17 credit hours, makes me feel almost lazy or something.

anyhoo friday i went over to tin tins to meet her bf, kyle. we had pizza and just laughed about stupid stuff. then went to the LU baseball game. it was a night game and it was so beautiful outside!!! there i met up with jon and joanna two of my bestest friends here at liberty.

after about the 7th inning i went and meet up with em and some of her friends, who have become mine through osmosis. lol. we hit the sand volleyball courts for 3 AmAziNg rounds of v-ball. and that concluded my friday night.
Saturday had to go into work for a few hours, no big. But saturday night went to OG with Audrey and some new friends, the Bdubs for the game and a late night movie, Dear John, with Joanna.

Lastly sunday...EASTER sunday no less. Had a great time at church. went to my brothers for lunch, played a intense round of "golf" and took a nap in the beautiful sun. then headed over to smith mountain lake with austin and olivia for a bone fire. serious it was one fantastic weekend. can't even Begin to describe how much i wish it wasn't over. but it is. back to the books. last round...i can do it.

MAY 15 here I come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Crushed and Created

I heard this song on tv the other day. it stuck with me. When i read the lyrics I knew this was a song to share with my blogging world. This girl that sings this song is only 16 years old, but she speaks wisdom in this song. hope you enjoy it.

Crushed and Created

By Caitlyn Smith
Looking back on the things that found me
Places I would never choose
The same things that both haunt and heal
My demons and my muse

We are crushed and created
Melted and made
Broken and built up in the very same way
What I thought I could handle
What I thought I could take
What I thought would destroy me
Leaves me stronger in its wake

And there are times that I've underestimated
Both the grief and goodness found in something new
Where one thing dies, something else can be created
And though it's truth you find, it's innocence you lose

We are crushed and created
Melted and made
Broken and built up in the very same way
What I thought I could handle
What I thought I could take
What I thought would destroy me
Leaves me stronger in its wake

I'm not the me that I started with
My friends say my eyes are brighter
I'm not the me that I started with
I'm freer, and I'm wiser, and I'm stronger…

We are crushed and created
Melted and made
Broken and built up in the very same way
What I thought I could handle
What I thought I could take
What I thought would destroy me
Leaves me stronger in its wake...

~

~

spring break

spring break was this week. a break much needed.
my aunt heather, uncle bill, and 2 cousins...chandler and chase, flew out to see us.
went to dc for 4 days. saw sooooo much. seriously it was alot of fun. my all time fav
was the supreme court. getting to go into the court room and here about the ins and outs
of the justices' was really interesting.
after dc it was back home to va for a day and a half. We went to appomatox, va to see
where they signed the treaty that ended the civil war.
and today we drove to nc. raleigh to be exact and are hanging out down here tonight.
overall very relaxing. refusing to fuss over school and work. and reminding myself
that life is too short not to slow down and look around.
i know this one is short and sweet but just wanted to share.
till next time

"Think of her as living in the hearts of those she touched,
for nothing loved is ever lost,
and she was loved so much!"
today was the two year anniversary of death of my baby girl. my cousin chantal. Jesus called her home after a 2 year battle with cancer. It was probably one of the hardest times of my life. the depression i feel into was horrible, and i was drowning in my own grief. one of those situations that you have to reach up to touch rock bottom. and even though i still don't know why he had to take her away and not heal here, but i do know that God's ways our not ours and I may never understand this.
through my cousins i have met one of my best friends, kayleen jones! she seriously has become an amazing. last weekend she got married, and i was blessed enough to get to go.
the wedding was perfect. seriously like something out of a fairytale. the greatest part of the whole night was getting to dance with kayleen. it was a very intimate moment and it is one of my fondest memories. i know that chantal watched from heavens gates as her best friend married the man of her dreams. and as hard as it is not to have her here we both know she wouldn't want to come back to this crummy world.
God is a good God and i know that the things he will do with chantal's legacy will be epic. ready to see what he has in store. for now i will wake and walk with her memory in my heart and do everything for the both of us...like graduate college.
miss you baby girl more than words can say!

the sad truth

they say -its sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew and when someone you love becomes someone you hate-
The sad truth is is that it is sad when that happens, but it does happen. Sometimes by choice, sometimes its forced, and others it is the undeniable fact of the matter.
The worst part... you never forget them. NEVER! You try, you do things that you would have never done, you try new things but something will ALWAYS remind you of them. A song, a scent, and a store...something.
Today, more than usually I'm missing that person in my life. Its hard to no longer use the words "my best friend" when I talk about you. For the most part, I lie and say that we grew apart. No need to start drama where there is none. I'm writing a book, a memoir really. Of the famous times of my and "my best friend". Its pretty epic already. I titled it "Boxers and Bow Ties"* (which is a true story). But anyway I'm not even really sure the reason for this post besides just talking out loud but here it is.
Plain and simple: I miss my best friend and I wish I could tell him that.

** I'm sure you are interested in the boxers and bow ties story. In short, I went over to Joey and Austins house, picking them up to go out for the night. And they totally answered the boor in nothing but boxers and bow ties lol it was hilarious (and kind of weird). Still makes me smile **

where i am today

But this I call to mind,
and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
"The LORD is my portion," says my soul,
"therefore I will hope in him."-Lam 3:21-24

Tonight I thought I would share a little bit of where I am today and where I've come from. I honestly never thought I would be where I am today, but I am so glad I'm here.
14 years ago today God asked me to say goodbye to my biggest influence and greatest love, my daddy. To even begin the share the emotional roller coaster I have been on, it would take to long. I don't think its strange to say that I've been through all 5 stages of grief, I stayed at some longer then others. But today I can honestly say has been the best anniversary yet. Today I was able to celebrate life. Celebrate the hope I have in Christ. Don't get me wrong, I still have my bad days. But my good days far outweigh the bad ones! I can't wait to see my daddy in heaven. I know he's looking out for me. I can't wait to hug him again. Until then I wanna run the race to please all 3 of my fathers. God, daddy, and Tim. All 3 mean so much to me.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.- Isaiah 55:8

in an instant.

"You do not know what your life will be like tomorrow.
You are just a vapor that appears from a little while
and then vanishes away."

James 4:14 (NASB)

We've all heard the saying "yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift, that's why they call it the present." Let's face it none of us deserve to live another day, or even take another breath. Even more technically we measly human beings deserve hell, and contrary to popular belief this present life is not hell. The things we go through in our days are nothing compared to eternity and nothing close to what Christ went through in his days on earth. We are so blessed to wake up in America everyday.
I think we are all to often reminded that life is short. Our worlds are rocked when someone we loved "dies young". Instead of taken everyday as our last, we expect many more days in our future. We do not know what the future holds, so why should we bank on having more than what we've been giving?!? Everyday we are granted the grace to wake up and glorify God, we should live life to the fullest.
My challenge to myself, this month especially, is to live each day. I mean truly live. Live with no reserves. Glorifying my heavenly father with everything I do. Loving to my greatest capacity and laughing (alot!!). And even in this vapor we call life I want to enjoy ever second while I wait for the Lord, clinging to the verse "to be absent form the body is to be present with the Lord." (2 Cor 5:8). Death for the Christian is not so much an exit out of life as it is an entry into the Lord's presence in a very personal sense. So either way I get to experience the best for my life.

~live.laugh.love~

Someone Once Said

I have a hidden love for poetry. I think all of 2 people knew that about me before this post. I wanted to share one of my favorite poems in the world. It is a poem of hope and comfort. I'm not always good with words but I feel like music and poetry speak so well that I speak in quotes and lyrics often.
In this exert of the poem, Wordsworth applies memories of his early childhood to his adult philosophy of life. When Wordsworth was only eight he lost his mother, and that was the base of the majority of his poetry.

What though the radiance which was once so bright
Be now for ever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;
In the primal sympathy
Which having been must ever be;
In the soothing thoughts that spring
Out of human suffering;
In the faith that looks through death,
In years that bring the philosophic mind.

~Ode: Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood
by William Wordsworth

Blessings From My "Curse"

So most of you know that I have had heart problems going on a year and a half now. I call it my curse, because with my family history I was a walking heart problem waiting to happen. Today I had my very last doctor appointment, Lord willing for a very long time. It feels weird to be "better", haha, well I'm still medicated but for the most part better. Tonight I wanted to share some of the blessings that I experienced while on this road.
I never thought I would find a blessing in this annoying problem, but there are so many blessings I can't even mention them all. To begin my friends have been so supportive. We've had some good times laughing about my ridiculous looking heart monitors and such. The friends that came with me to doctor appointments and sat through my doctor rambling about all the things that are wrong. Thank you.
My doctor was a huge blessings. I could have not asked for a better doctor. He was caring and informative and always wanted to keep my parents in the loop, since they are 2000 miles away. He gave us his personal numbers and email so I could call me anytime I needed anything. He always asked about school and grades, boys and such, took time to actually get to know me. I'm really gonna miss the guy haha.
Another huge blessing was learning to rely on God in a way I would have never. He required totally faith on my part, because for almost a year no one could find the reason for my racing heart. It annoyed me and sometimes down right scared me, what if I was something worse than just tachycardia?!? But he comforted me with His word and my friends. I remember calling Joey after the doctor to run some blood tests to rule out other illnesses. The doctor threw out the word cancer and its scared me to tears. Joey assured me that all the blood test would come back negative, they were running them as a rule out. He was so confident and calm that I knew he knew what he was talking about.

To conclude: God, the ultimate healer, has showed himself faith again. I am blessed to be here and healthy and knowing why my heart acts the way it does. I thank God for the people he has brought in and out of my life threw this all, it was an adventure.

James 5:15 "And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well..."
Psalm 51:17 "God never rejects a weak and weary heart that seeks Him. No matter how broken-down and overwhelmed we are, God welcomes us and is willing and able to help us."

116 Days and Counting...

well let me first off start by saying my last first day of classes is behind me. college is coming to an end, and the semester just began. I have a feeling this semester is going to fly by. i am so excited about that but also petrified that i may, in fact, fail as a grown up.
that sounds funny, but think about it. when you graduate college you have to get a job and make grown up decisions. up until now the most grown-up decision i've made is what type of laundry soap to buy, and that is the truth. its frightening but so very exciting too. so i guess i'm bitter-sweet about the whole thing.
so about my classes. we'll start with my liberty (residential) classes: Nutrition (boo), Physics 2 (i enjoy the teacher, but not the math), sport injuries (easy A), weight training (another easy A)((i knew i majored in the right track when you get an A for being healthy haha)). Exercise leadership (yeah major project due in that class, but lots of friends are in that class so it makes it worth it). I'm also taking new testament online and doing an practicum at the Cardiac Rehab Center here in town, which I am a patient myself, ironically.
So after Liberty, there is CVCC. I'm taking Chemistry 2 w/ Lab. Yeah my biggest nightmare by far. And lastly, UNM i'm taking Music Theory online (i'm not too worried about that). So out of those 24 hrs I really only have to work for 14 so I think I will be okay.

~By God's Grace

H-Two-NOOOO!

Well, I'm back in Virginia. I can't believe there is still snow on the ground, it snowed like 3 weeks ago. In NM, the snow melts the same day it falls, unless its shaded.
Tonight I began my class at CVCC, General Chemistry 2. Let me tell you the impression I left on the first evening of class. It began by arriving promptly at 6:45pm to the campus of CVCC. Mind you my class is officially suppose to start at 6:45 and I have not even the slightest clue as to where my classroom is. I walk what seemed aimlessly down the halls of this new college until I found if. Exactly 17 minutes after my class had start...Wait it gets better.
Of course walking in that late, I had already missed attendance. So everyone looks at me as the professor, a Mr. Roach, approached me and asked me my name. I answered him, "Elaine Gordon, thanks" as if he actually cared. Then he asked for a "fun fact". Okay and in all honesty I share fun facts all the time so I was like yes I know a good one. I said, "Did you know that New Mexico is the only state that has USA after its name on the licences plates." I was so proud of that, and then he responds with, "I meant a fun fact about yourself..." Wow did i feel stupid, so trying to recover i said, "fun fact...I'm from New Mexico." :) That made everyone laugh. That's not all. He then walks over with a syllabus and tells me he assumes I didn't have one (which I didn't) and hand me one. Wow way to make the impression that you are lazy on your first day Elaine, promising. Needless to say its going to be an interesting semester. Oh boy.
Well hope I made you smile, it was a sight to see let me tell you.
~G-nite!

Two Thousand Ten-Time For Life To Begin

Well I personally think my life is eventfully enough to blog about. No actually I wanted to try and capture my final memories of my pursuit to my undergrad and the beginning of being a actually, flow blown grown up.

This is my final weekend at home, in the 505. next week its back to the grind of books and work. i can't really complain though, because God has blessed me with both an amazing job and the ability to complete school. I'm technically attending 3 college/universities this semester. 24 hours to complete in 16 weeks, bring it on. I'm taking music theory from UNM (University of New Mexico for all those who have not learned their acronyms yet). Chemistry 2 from CVCC (Central Virginia Community College). And lastly, 17 hrs at the lovely LU (Liberty University). The great part about this all is that LU has no idea that I am pulling this stunt. They are under the impression that I am registered for 17hrs and that is it, boy are they in for a surprise.
So you may ask, why so many hours? Well due to transferring and unforeseen struggles in chemistry my hand was forced. lol. You can only graduate with 6 outstanding credits (which i will have) and i was going to be short 13 hrs, so this is how i came to be enrolled in 3 colleges. It will be an awesome ride. And don't worry, you aren't the one that has to drive so enjoy my mad ramblings at 3am.
God Bless!~